The Good - As someone who adores nautical and shabby-chic decor, Oceano Hotel was my heaven. I enjoyed wiggling my tired toes in the soaking tub, reading the New Yorker in the polka-dot armchair, watching the grand harbor from the balcony of my suite and inhaling whiffs of fresh coastal air. Throughout the night, I was lulled by the soothing hum of the fog horn. (It's hard for me to believe such a soft and distant sound could drive so many Yelp reviewers to the verge of insanity.) In the morning, my sweet baldy and I ventured out to the beach, took some awkward selfies and read names on the boats in hope of finding funny ones. My ADHD doesn't allow me to experience peace and utter stillness very often, but that day, at the Half Moon Bay Harbor, I did.
The Bad - Ordering seafood benedict at Ketch Joanne's was a very wrong move. I didn't find the traditional Hollandaise on my plate, but that wasn't my main concern. I don't care much for authenticity. I'd applaud any revolutionary gastronomic creation as long as it delights my palate. The true atrocity lied in the fact that the beautiful shrimp and crab meat beneath those perfectly poached eggs were majorly disrespected. They weren't allowed to shine but savagely eclipsed by such an obscene debauchery of cheese. It was the most aggressive cheese sauce I've ever encountered, and I hope we don't cross paths again.
The Ugly - As much as I cherished my stay at Oceano, there were two things I wish I had skipped. One, the room service. I ordered crab cakes with mashed potatoes, which were delivered in a timely manner by a nice server who couldn't look any happier to bring us food. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a high-end TV dinner, not repulsive in any way but also not worth $20. Two, the complimentary in-room coffee. To be honest, I got quite excited to see Wolfgang Puck signature coffee on top of my mini bar. I had been unaware that my culinary hero even sold coffee. It must be good, I thought. It's Wolfgang fucking Puck! Then I made the coffee, and well, it tasted literally like soap. I wouldn't point my disapproving finger at Wolfie, though. It can't possibly be his fault. My guess? The coffee cup wasn't properly cleaned. So what I drank was 90% coffee, 10% soap scum.